


Hold on we can survive

by Rafaperez



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Hallucinating Sam Winchester, Inspired by 13 Reasons Why (TV), Letters, Post-Episode: s15e03 The Rupture, Samnwena
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-06
Updated: 2020-01-16
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:42:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21695578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rafaperez/pseuds/Rafaperez
Summary: When Sam opens the Book of the damned he finds some letters left by Rowena which talk about Crowley's father, Lucifer, Ketch and, him.
Relationships: Rowena MacLeod/Sam Winchester
Comments: 1
Kudos: 20





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoy.  
> If you don't ship Samwena, stay away

_So hold on_

_We can survive_

_Trusting each other_

_Loving each other_

**Cristina Taddonio-Hold on**

Sam was at the bunker's library tidying up the books but the true was that it had been only an excuse he'd given Dean because he wasn't feeling up that night to go in a hunt, letting him go alone. That day would be six months since he... had killed Rowena in that crypt and that still haunted him.

He hated that memory because even of a tender moment had happened between them as she'd caressed his face with her eyes shinning as she said they'd become very fond of each other, before they'd hugged each other. Because now every time he thought about the redhead he could only remember about her sad smile as she removed the dagger he'd sunk in her belly.

And he'd never had the courage to tell her how he felt. That it had been much more than just fondness, he'd fallen in love her in that last months seeing her smirks, the scottish accent when he'd call him by his full name and her shinning eyes.

The witch who used to be his enemy and with whom he'd started having only a relationship based in a favor exchange full of mistrust little by little had evolved and they became colleagues at their 'work' during their fight against Amara and the pressure to stop Lucifer from conceiving a child and then to a friendship when she'd returned from death and they'd had a talk about their fears in the car and from there Sam knew the friendship had turned into love, an irony for falling in love with supernatural beings who he always ended losing.

He'd survive until now but always losing the women for whom he'd been in love. Jessica, Amelia, Amy. And now Rowena and the worst part it had been by his own hands and she'd never be able to feel the love from the world that she deserved and he hadn't had the courage to show her. His heart belonged to her even if he'd made her own stop and he felt a monster.

"I'm sorry Rowena..."

His elbow then hit on a book and it felt on the floor, scattering some papers and the man crouched down frowning at seeing it was the Book of the damned they'd recovered from the crypt and he then grabbed the lost papers, realizing they weren't older like the book but seemed new and untouched and he went to his bedroom carrying them.

When he saw it had his name on it in a delicate handwritten addressed to 'Samuel' he knew from who it was and his heart started to beat fast, his eyes burning as he sat on his desk and stared at the first letter, afraid of what he would find there.

Fear of never getting over what h felt for her because it'd been moths and he couldn't stop thinking about her and fear of what she had to say to him because nothing would change for her but for him nothing he could say she would be able to hear and he murmured tired and with longing:

"Rowena Macleod, what d you want with me..."

Sam's eyes then went to the glass of whiskey he'd left there and then he took a long sip and held the letters again with his fingers trembling and he took a deep breath reading:

_Hello Samuel, it's Rowena Macleod. If you're reading this letter it probably means that I'm dead now, by your hands as it was in the prophecy and now I'm just a memory in your mind._

_I'm writing the last letter which actually is the first here in this crypt while your brother and you discuss what you can do to stop this apocalypse and I feel horrible for not having the courage to tell you now that I know how we can to id and that maybe it means that you'll have to kill me so you can survive._

_I don't have the courage because even after 300 years I still want to live and fall in love. Because I'm tired of empty relationships to fill the void where love should be, a feeling that I feared that could make me weak. But the problem now is that I fell in love with the hunter destined to kill me, who taught me that love isn't weakness and I've changed so much to better because of you Samuel._

_But I can let the world die so I can live, I can't let you risk doing that, the reason why I won't tell you 'I love you' when the moment comes, but in this letter Samuel. Instead I'll say 'we've got very fond of each other, right?'._

"God, Rowena..." Sam moaned taking a hand to his tired face and brushing it as he remembered of that moment, of her small and delicate hand caressing his rough face with that smile, touched while his eyes filled with tears just like now. "I was idiot, I should have told you that there to you..."

_But there is another reason for I not saying it too. Better, three. Three monsters who different from you, had lied to me with these words. You don't deserve to suffer, you aren't a monster if by the way you're thinking that but I wanted you to understand why I am what I am or was now. Go to the next letter giant, if you want to because I don't want you to feel obliged._

Samuel lowered the letter still running a hand through his face as he stared at her beautiful handwritten which was becoming a blur with his eyes full of tears and he lowered it, looking to his right side and his heart started beating fast for a moment.

His mind was imagining Rowena standing there by his side with her arms crossed over her pink dress, her green and well outlined eyes shinning as she gave him one of her mysterious smile and he stared at her frowning, shaking his head slightly with so many words stuck in his throat but she only smiled, calming him and then he stared at her with fondness and longing and he murmured:

"Should I keep going?"

And she uncrossed her arms placing a hand over his desk, leaving her delicate fingers only inches apart from his and she smirked but with a soft look and whispered:

"Go ahead, you know you want... You'll survive to them..."

"But what about you?" But she didn't reply , being involved by the longing she'd felt as she stared to the letters and Sam closed his eyes then, counting until five and then he grabbed the second letter.

**tbc**


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the kudos.

_And I'll still be a fool, I'm a fool for you_

_Just a little bit of your heart_

_Just a little bit of your heart_

_Just a little bit of your heart is all I want_

**Just a little bit of your heart-Ariana Grande**

_Hello again Samuel and if you reached this letter, I'm happy because it means you want to know more about me. And i never thought that a man would really pay attention to me without being interested in having fun or obtaining power._

_Like my dear Frederick Klauss, right? I can't throw all the fault on him for me becoming a witch, for not giving love to our son, that was my own fault. And I wanted so much to have the chance to say sorry to Fergus, he deserved so much more and knowing he'd changed to better even having me as a mother, or better saying one who hadn't been there for him only made me proud._

_But they had been consequences of Frederick make me go through in Scotland in the 17_ _th_ _century. And I one day we find his ghost Samuel, kick his ass for me. Because if there was someone who made me never love again it was him. That it would be better to fell hate then to love because love was weakness and I'd never be weak again._

_I couldn't even look at my son Fergus because when I'd look into his eyes, I'd see the woman I used to be before the magic, before the coven. When I was nothing but Rowena, the tanner's daughter... A pale, scared little girl, who smelled of filth and death, before meeting him._

"What did he do to you?" Sam murmured stopping for a moment and staring at the illusion his mind had created right beside him but Rowena only shook her head with a lost look over the desk, hating that memory but it was part of who she was and her red lips parted in a whisper:

"I think that you'll find it soon, giant..."

"Hey look at me..." And Sam found out that despite her being only a illusion from her mind he could touch her and then his fingers interlaced to hers over the desk and the redhead stared at him in surprise seeing the fondness and determination in him as he said:

"He can't hurt you anymore..." His tumble caressed the back of her delicate hand as he stared at Rowena's face, who was staring at his hand caressing hers with a small smile. "And if I see his ghost I'll send him to hell."

"I know... But it's good to hear this words from you anyway."

_I remember his gray eyes and his smile when he approached me, touching a lock of my hair and telling me I was beautiful, asking me out so we could have a stroll in the forest. Frederick made me feel special for the first time in my life saying he loved me and he'd leave his wife and marry me and it had been everything I needed to hear back in the time, a poor and pale girl who had never been treated with kindness. And i was attracted to his words after so may years being ignored by everybody and feeling alone seeking for love and attention, what he gave me in the begin. And only in the begin, right?_

_I was so ingenue in believing he'd marry me if I gave myself to him before the wedding and that I'd have his heart and then when I found out I was pregnant with Fergus I was kicked out from my father's hovel_

_And Frederick after telling me he loved me he left me and returned to his grand wife and his grand house whilst I laid pathetic and half dead on a straw mat, my thighs slick with blood._

_And that why Samuel that I stared using men after the coven as a way to know I was powerful and could do to them what other men did to me. It doesn't justify what I did through the years with the deaths and blackmails but I wanted you to know, because back in the time I didn't have a Samuel Winchester to show me my mistakes and offer me his heart. And even so after becoming powerful and learning how to protect myself and be smart, after learning my lesson I fell in Lucifer's trap._

"I don't judge you Rowena..." Sam shook his head as he squeezed her hand, his eyes shinning in rage at thinking what that man Frederick Klauss, who had been more cruel than many monsters he'd killed. "Frederick was a monster and no other woman should go through what you went, I would never do that to you."

Rowena raised an eyebrow, touched by his words and she shook her head slightly, her eyes shinning and then she let go of his hand as she sat on his desk's edge crossing her legs as she ran her fingers over the third letter and she murmured with her heart heavy, staring at him with a smirk and Sam frowned as he stared ta the paper too, his heart skipping a beat:

"You're too goo Samuel, even to witches like me... And that has out you in so many troubles."


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas. Samwena all the way.

**Chapter 3**

_I build you up_

_I'll be the best_

_You'd have it all_

_If we were_

**If we were-Belinda**

_Lucifer who I thought as my master, the only one to who I would give myself and be faithful as he wasn't a man but an archangel, the devil. Back in the time Samuel things between us were resumed in blackmails from me and handcuffs from you until we both could get something from our deals and it was during this time that he came to me in my dreams._

"Ironic that years later just from hearing his name or seeing his face in my dreams would make me crawl to the point of panicking, hum?"

The man then was invaded by flashbacks of him talking to the witch in the car two years ago when she had for the first time opened to him and showed him her heart and her fears and Sam had confessed to her too about his own fears as both had gone through the same thing.

"I would have done anything to him if we were." The witch murmured staring at Sam with her green and well outlined mysterious eyes, running a hand through her long curly hair and behind the ironic smile on her red lips and comfortable position Sam could see the deception and shame she felt.

"He didn't deserve anything you offered him even if you used to be a different person." The hunter swore with passion, hating Lucifer even more as he placed a hand over her knee and Rowena blushed slight with his touch, his warm hand involving her whole knee and then she smirked but her eyes were shinning with fondness for him as she placed her hand over his:

"Are you jealous of him, giant?"

"I..." And Sam's face softened as his heart accelerated and he interlaced his fingers with hers over the redhead's knees and he admitted hoarsely, his brown hair falling over his hazel eyes: "Only jealous of you and I weren't."

"Me to... I think we could have worked."

_Lucifer showed me everything I could have if I helped him. Free from the hunters, from my son's demons, his queen and then came the perfect opportunity when you and Fergus asked for my help without knowing I already was planning on freeing him. I was a fool._

_When your brother and my son had put that witchcatcher around my neck I felt so much repulse for having that on me, preventing me from using magic and having to follow orders so when Lucifer appeared in Castiel's vessel I didn't hesitated in putting myself at his feet swearing to love and serve him forever, I had freed him and I would be the perfect woman to stay by his side, if it had gone right because..._

_I didn't see his real intentions when he'd asked me who more knows how to open his cage and when I said it was only me... He held my face with such gentleness that I believed he really loved me and then he broke my neck and the pain came but went away quickly. It would be the last time I'd trust and get carried away by a man, angel, demon or whatever it was. I was angry and tired of all that._

_And a year later as much as I tried to keep myself away from the supernatural, it seemed impossible and despite all the spells and precautions I took Lucifer found me in my hotel room and God, it was horrible, it hurt so much and I cried and begged him when my spells didn't work and I'm going to spare you from the details of what he did to me, you don't need to hear because you already suffered at his hands too and I don't want to give you another nightmare._

"Lucifer... He threw me on the floor after cutting a lock of my red hair, he stomped on my face until my white meat showed and then he set my body on fire." Rowena completed as she stood up from the desk and went behind Sam's chair, her small hands going to his broad shoulders as she caressed them just like she'd done with Fergus that day, hearing the hunter moan in relief feeling her work on him even with the anguish of hearing her words which came to a whisper on his ear when she bent down:

"It wasn't pretty nor quickly..."

"Stop, stop that Rowena, do you wanna drive me crazy?" Samuel said aloud as he covered his ears and turned his face to the side staring at the redhead as he frowned, pulling away from her touch because as incredible as it was it was taking him to the limit with the description she had just done.

His eyes were full of pain and frustration at her even knowing she was just his imagination and her description wasn't nothing more than what Lucifer had told him on the cellphone and he said still aloud and anguished, staring at her:

"You have no idea how my heart stopped when I called to you and it was Lucifer's voice in the other side who answered... And how much I regretted in that moment that I didn't thought about your safety Rowena."

"Why we weren't even friends then..." She asked in surprise and the man then stared at her with his heart beating fast and even if she wasn't real, when he took a hand to her face caressing her gently that seemed so real, he could fell the softness of her pale skin as he watched her red lips part at his touch.

"And does it matter? You were part of out team, a partner for me." Sam admitted as his fingers slipped to behind her ear and caressed her over her red curls like he had wanted to do so many times before as he stared at her green eyes which shone.

"Thank you..."

_And when I faced him to keep the drift open for you guys and only you that felt like freedom for the first time in decades maybe centuries because he'd provoked me and I resisted because I wasn't the same anymore thanks to you. But I won't talk about you right now Sam, you're the only one who deserves a full page for only you and you'll find out soon why._

_Because now I need to talk about Arthur Ketch because as much as he'd changed and regretted what he did and in some way we were in peace at each other, in the past he was the reason why I started hating hunters like Dean... and you Sam._


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoyyyy

_It's alright, it's alright_

_It's alright, it's alright_

_Is it too late, too late_

_Too late, too late, too late now?_

**Worry-Rhodes**

_The first time I met Arthur Ketch it was some years before I met you Samuel. I was in England watching an opera when he appeared, charming in his black tuxedo and he sat beside me and I knew he must be rich because we were at the box seats._

_I admit that I was attracted not only by his charm but for his money, after all even being a witch I liked to have rich husbands to sustain me. I was a little... futile and banal in some aspects. But I didn't let my guard down in any moment, I had with me my hexbags to any situation when then we went to his hotel room._

Sam held the letter tighter, his fingers almost wrinkling it as a part of him remembered about that last apocalypse where Rowena and Ketch had met again and he had seen the looks they'd shared and that had let him jealous seeing the way she was looking at him, running her eyes over the british man and wishing she would look at him like that too. Because he'd have given her what she needed, a relationship, protection and love, not something empty or lies like the others.

"You know I always looked at you like that... But you were too special for me to just had an affair like I did with Gabriel..." She whispered on his ear, her well outlined eyes staring at him in that mysterious way with a soft smile on her lips as she started caressing his shoulders again with fondness and Sam sighed.

"You only telling me this because it's what I want to hear..." He told her hoarsely, taking one of her hands from his shoulders and taking it to his mouth and kissing it, seeing their hands' difference as his was huge and with callous from the hunters and her so pale, small and delicate just like its owner and he looked at her with a small smile, still holding her hand and taking them to his cheek where the stubble was appearing and she whispered with passion:

"Or maybe you already knew about my feelings but was afraid of acting on them and lose me."

Their faces were so closer and Rowena leaned her forehead to his, caressing his face with their joined hands while she stared at him, watching his strong face and his smile, so emotional and Sam could smell her sweet scent just like he remembered it was and he watched her parted lips approaching his but then the paper slipped from his hand breaking the moment and when Sam bent down to grab it Rowena then sat at the desk's edge again, her eyes on the letter.

_But I wasn't counting with his taking iron handcuffs so quickly from his pocket and putting it on me while we were kissing, in a moment that let me so vulnerable and then other men showed up. Men of Letters. For days I was locked in a cell from their base and again I was tortured but for information and I knew they'd kill me when I handed them what they wanted, after all I was a witch and they hunted beings like me._

_The worst torture came from ketch because he messed with my head and knew it would work against the victims, he didn't fear or felt remorse and his eyes were cold, so different from that night he'd seduced me. But I could realize something while I was at his hands. Ketch was nothing more than a peon to his chiefs, a killer machine they used in the dangerous missions because he was replaceable.._

_And being the witch I was, I managed to manipulate him in his own game , convincing him I could help him to stay alive in his missions giving him some resurrecting sell in exchange of my freedom. I needed to get out of there because I knew I didn't have much time left and the idea of being immortal attracted him so we made a deal and I escaped._

_But I've never forgotten about those days in the cell with him making me remember about my life back in Scotland watching over and over again Frederick abandoning me right after birth... The day I abandoned my sin and then was expelled from the Coven. I hated the iron handcuffs on my writs leaving me weaker and out of powers and, with all his objects of torture he used on me._

"Now you know I was so furious and tried to advance on you when you used that handcuffs on me." Rowena told him calmer, staring at the man on the chair and he nodded, running a hand through his tired face.

Despite all that making he want to be able to change the witch's past for hating how much she'd suffered, reading her letters had let him closer to Rowena and learning about her past and reasons but he wished he could have heard all that from her lips or read the letter beside her when they still had time.

"But now it's too late, right?"

"And does it matter?" She repeated Sam's words with her face softer knowing what was in his mind as she said: "I wrote and left them for you because if I died you could understand who I was and what I become and why I changed. And you're the reason, Samuel."

_That's why when I escaped I swore I'd hate any hunter who appeared in my way and would kill them because I'd never make a deal with a hunter again, they were nothing more then Men of Letters but rough. And then you came in my way Samuel Winchester, a little later but there was you with that hunter's look on your face, broad shoulder and hazel eyes so serious and my heart beat fast._


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Watched too many times 13RW.  
> Enjoy

_But if we're strong enough_

_To let it in, in, in_

_We strong enough_

_To let it go_

**Let it all go-Birdy**

Sam's fingers trembled now not only because it was the last letter but also because it was about him and he felt a confusion of many feelings inside of him. Fear for what he would find there, what did she have to say about him? Would it be regret for getting closer to him? Longing because it'd be the last thing Rowena would have left and for him and the longing her felt for the redhead which was eating him alive. Anger at himself for sinking the dagger in her, why hadn't he fought against her and looked for another solution? Anger at her for sacrificing herself. And love.

"I can't..." He murmured in frustration as he lowered the letter and run a hand through his face, feeling it wet with his tears and then Rowena's gently hands closed around his wrists, lowering his hands gently as she stared at him too with her eyes filled with tears too, a sad smile on her face and she murmured:

"You can Sam... You've always been so strong."

"I fell like a monster, I should have fought more for you." He murmured hoarsely as he stared at her back while she caressed his wrists and he leaned his face and placed a kiss on one hand and then in her other and she told him:

"You've never been a monster... And you'll see that when you read the letter. You only didn't have a choice because I didn't give it to you, because I knew that it was necessary and I did it for you, Samuel..."

"Rowena..." In that moment he just wanted to hold her tight even if she was only an illusion but she let go of his face and then she stared at the letter again with an emotional look and Sam took a deep breath and grabbed it.

_Well, here's the last part of the story of the men from my live and Samuel, even if you had only been in the last five years, you were the most important from all them. You made me want to change without I realizing that, my dear._

_You appeared in the hotel's hall when I had been captured by the demons and when your brother killed them I could look at you for the first time as I entered the elevator and despite that ridiculous flannel shirt that I realized through the years were your trademark..._

"Was it so ugly?" Sam asked in amusement staring the redhead and she laughed, bending forward and ran he fingers through the blue flannel shirt he wore and the man trembled watching her wrinkle her nose and smile as she said:

"Yeah, it was... But for some reason you look great on them."

_I felt so attracted to you, his serious eyes which one day would look at me with gentleness and something more, your broad shoulders and chest and oh God how many times I've imagined myself being hugged by them, feeling so small but safe._

"I felt attracted to you too, seeing you in that tight black dress, with your red hair contrasting with your fair skin." Sam admitted with a smile, still remembering of that day without imagining that witch would become so important to him.

"I knew it." Rowena told him with a sly smile as she crossed her legs and the man smiled too, taking a hand to her face and caressing her cheek gently. "I looked beautiful, didn't I?"

"You are beautiful, Rowena." The man whispered still running his fingers through her delicate face seeing her open a smile, touched and she whispered back, soft:

"And you've always been a gentleman... Even when I was being difficult."

"Deep down, I enjoyed it."

And Sam shook his head. Even when she was being difficult and would frustrate him, when she would leave a part of him missed the redhead that little by little had stolen his heart and he said staring at her green eyes:

"And even if you were smaller than me and I'd imagine myself hugging you or stopping you, by the way your eyes shone I knew you were more powerful than you showed."

_Do you remember the first time we finally talked? We met at that restaurant and you looked serious and determinate while you told me you needed help to remove the mark of Caim from your brother and you that you knew I could decipher the Book of the damned and you asked me 'will you help me?'_

_And I took my time to answer because I knew I could get something out of this but also because I saw that even being a treacherous witch you were willing to trust me and that had been the first time it happened and then a blinked slowly and I smiled with my answer: 'Shall we discuss the terms?';_

_But I didn't imagine I would be handcuffed even if I knew I wasn't someone to be trusted. But even being kept locked you treated me better then the Men of Letter. You kept the place protected from demons, brought me food and my favorite tea even when I was being difficult and giving you a hard time. You really were a gentleman and good._

_And though the years our deals which had stared from blackmails and distrusts started changing. You needed me and I needed you and during the confront against Amara our relationship changed to colleagues, both fighting for the same reason._

_And when I returned from death, afraid of Lucifer and desperate for that page from the Book of the damned that would release my full power, we had a heart to heart talk in the car. And you were sincere with me and comforted and trusted in me giving me the page I needed and there we became confident and I want to think that friends._

_And I so devastated when you pulled the trigger at me that night we met again and I stopped the bullet with my hand, my eyes shinning purple and in tears. I could see how much it hurt you to do that, your eyes were shinning too my dear._

_I was so sad no only for knowing you didn't have a choice but also because I knew that what I was about to do would destroy us, I was blind by my despair in catching Billie's attention so I could make her bring my son Fergus back. He deserved to live more then I... And you all the time tried to convince me that I wasn't like that, that I had changed even while I had tied you to a chair and cut you with a dagger._

_And in the moment I was face to face with you to kill you, I already knew I couldn't do that and it had nothing to do with the prophecy where you would be the one to kill me. My heart, which I didn't know still could beat for someone was beating for you Samuel._

_You were the only one who really saw me, who had the courage to trust in me and extended a hand for me and made me feel loved. Love... A feeling I thought would make me weak but that night after confronting you and Billie I realized that the fact that my heart would beat faster when I was closer to you and not being able to kill you meant I was falling in love with you giant, and that hadn't made me weak._

_You showed me we could be stronger when we loved someone and I thank you so much for that... I could see how stronger that made us seeing in your determination to save the ones you loved and also that sacrificing yourself meant being strong. You started to care about me, always calling me to help with some hunt, but showing concern for me and that made me so happy._

_And this line I write in the crypt now. If we're strong enough to feel it, we're strong enough to let it go and that's why I accepted my destiny and wanted to give my life to save yours, I put it in your hands. Because I love you Samuel even when I tell you we became very fond of each other because if not I'll break and you won't be able to do what you have to and will suffer too and I don't want it to you, you deserve to be happy and whatever happen today, you had no choice, it'd happen._

_Goodbye my dear Samuel._

And Rowena gave him a sad smile, standing up from the desk to let him alone with his thoughts and she took some steps, staying with her back to him.

"Rowena..." Sam held the letter so hard, taking it to his face as he felt the tears fall over the paper, his heart accelerated while he was invaded my the memories of the redhead caressing his face in the crypt, touched as she told him how she felt and then by her letter and he lowered it, standing up and staring the redhead's back and it didn't matter if what was happening there wasn't real and he involved her with his strong arms and murmured with sincerity, hoarse:

"I love you Rowena Macleod..." He felt her tremble in his arms, leaning against his chest and he could smell her sweet scent as he continued: "Even when you were driving me crazy I already knew I was falling in love with you..."

"Why didn't you tell me that before when I was alive, Samuel?" Rowena murmured taking her hands to his arms which involved her, tightening him more to her as her eyes filled with tears as she lowered her head.

"I know... And that will haunt me forever. I'm sorry..." Sam pleaded hugging her tighter and she nodded as Sam's lips kissed her cheek ans they stayed like that for sometime just feeling each other's presence and she murmured, touched:

"But I'm happy to hear that now. Even if I knew that when I stared into your eyes in the crypt. Thank you..."


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy. Leave kudos or comments please, they're free.

Take _these arms and let me throe them hold you tight_

_Love you more than love could ever know_

_I may fuck things up from time to time but_

_Don't let me let you go_

**Don't let me let you go-Jamie Lawson**

Sam's heart beat fast as he drove in a hurry toward Halan with her hearts on the passenger's seat. Two days had passed since he'd read the letters and he admitted he loved Rowena and now two hour ago he'd received a call from a unknown number but he'd tracked it, surprise to see from where it had came before being shocked at hearing the woman's voice saying slyly:

"Hello giant... Could you pick me up?"

Sam didn't know how that was possible and although he tried to not be very emotional took his guns with him in case that was some trap from a demon or even Chuck, he couldn't control his nervousness because if there was a possibility of somehow Rowena being really there Sam would be sure about two things. One was that he would tell that he loved Rowena Macleod and the second was that he'd never let her go.

The hunter ignored his exhaustion as he hadn't been sleeping well since he read the letters but he would only rest after discovering what was waiting for him at Harlan and if that was true, he had the redhead in his arms.

"I'm gonna find you Rowena..." And Sam accelerated the car through the desert road, the sun illuminating the winter's afternoon.

When Sam got out of the car in front of the cemetery's entrance, he took large and quick steps with his heart beating faster and then everything seemed to happen in slow motion as Sam's lips parted in a smiled, touched as he frowned, his eyes filled with tears and his heart was full with the longing and love her felt for the redhead, seeing her looking so beautiful and serene there.

"Rowena?"

Over a rock there was in the uncut tall and abandoned grass he saw Rowena sat with her hands supporting her face over her knees, her red curls falling over her shoulders in that pink dress as if she was waiting for someone and when she heard her name and saw Sam, the witch's heartbeat fat and she raised her face with a beautiful smile on her face while her green eyes shone. He'd came for her.

"Hello Samuel..."

And then she slowly stood up from the rock but she still felt so small as Sam approached the witch and before she could say anything or giving him one of her smirks, the man pulled her to his arms hugging her so tight that Rowena thought her ribs would break.

She was surprise for a moment, her eyes wide as she felt him bury his face on her curls and then slowly Rowena raised her arms and hugged him back with the same intensity holding tight to the back of his jacket as she buried her face on his chest feeling save and loved in his strong arms and they stayed like that for many minutes.

"How?" He finally asked hoarsely and touched as he broke the kiss and raised his hands to her face, holding it up so she could stare at him and she smiled, shaking her head as she rested her hands against his chest, touched too:

"I don't know... It was Billie, she said some exceptions needed to be done and then I woke up here."

"Neither Rowena could understand how could she be there, she felt confused and her head had hurt and she woke up on the grass and the first person in her mind had been Sam because he always made her feel like everything would be okay and because her heart beat for him.

"Rowena..." And he took a deep breath staring at her green and brilliant eyes and admitted: "I read your letters."

"I hope you didn't feet obligate to or that it had made you sad giant... I just wanted you to understand how I felt after all I've never been some easy to deal with." The redhead said, her face serious but her voice was soft.

"I know..." He murmured softly, staring at her with so much tenderness as he caressed her behind the ear making her sigh. "And although I was surprise and even angry at what they did to you, I was happy to read your last letter."

"Yeah? Even the part about your ugly flannel shirt?" Rowena asked him smirking and making him end up smiling too.

"Even with that."

"It's funny but somehow I dreamed about you before Billie brought me back to life, I was in your bedroom sitting on your desk while you read them and you held me after... I questioned you." Rowena murmured frowning, lost in thoughts and Sam stared at her in surprise, his heard slipping a beat and he said:

"I thought I was hallucinating about you being by my side."

"You told me so many things..." Rowena stared at him then smiling as she remembered, surprising him even more. "That you were jealous of what we didn't become when I told you about Lucifer... About sending Frederick to hell if you saw him and... Of wanting me too look at you in the same way I did to ketch even when I already looked at you like that."

"So it was all real..." He murmured, full of emotions for knowing he'd reached her and that she'd been able to know how he felt and how much he hated what they'd done to her and how much he loved her and he caressed the corner of her lips with his tumble and Rowena, touched and with her eyes shinning covered her mouth with a hand as the other kept over his chest and she said:

"I was so happy when I heard all that and knowing now it was real... Thank you Samuel."

Those words made Sam's heart melt and then he became serious as he put a hand over the witch's shoulder, so delicate under his huge hand and the other stared caressing her behind the ear again and she became serious too as he said, sincere:

"We survived and we're not in that crypt anymore so we don't need to say we're only fonder of each other." Rowena parted her lips, frowning slightly as she felt her heart beat fast because she'd finally hear what he felt for her and then Sam admitted, feeling his heart full of love as he stared at her, fonder and he said hoarsely:

"I love you Rowena and I'll never let you go..."

"Samuel..." Her heart was beating so fast as her hands held tighter to his shirt and her green eyes filled with tears and she smiled with the happiness she felt inside of herself because she'd never imagined she'd love and be loved, let alone by a hunter and she felt his finger wipe the corner of her eye where the eye pencil had blurred and she said softly:

"I've waited so long to hear you say it Samuel, thank you..." And then staring into his hazel eyes she whispered, confidant: "You make me so happy... And I love you."

And Sam didn't lose time as he felt a huge happiness inside of him too and he took a hand to her nape bringing her face slowly toward his watching every expression of the redhead, seeing her face slightly flushed and her sly smile but which brought also fondness and then she closed her eyes and Sam slipped the hand from her shoulder to her hand, joining their fingers as he kissed her.

Both felt an electrical discharge run through their bodies when their lips touched, pressing. The kiss was intense and loaded with passion and Sam's hand lowered from her nape and brushed through her breast side, feeling its softness and making her sigh against his lips at his touch and then went to he belly where he had sunk the dagger and caressed her there as if to be sure she was really okay and she stretched toward his touch before his hand reached her waist and squeezed it, wanting to feel her closer after that months without her.

Rowena parted her lips for him feeling his tongue and she held tighter to the front of his shirt in reply to his touch before running her hand over his chest, massaging it ans feeling his muscles.

Their tongues dueled leaving them breathless while their hands explored their bodies, their hearts beating so fast and then Rowena broke the kiss with her lips red and she had a surprised and touched smile at the kiss, her eyes shinning slyly and Sam smiled too, his hand caressing her hair gently as they recovered.

"And now giant ?" She asked, melting at his caresses and the man said full of passion:

"And now I'll take you to the bunker, little witch... And I'll never want to be way from you again."

"I want that, to be with yo..." She admitted with a beautiful smirk, kissing his lips.

The witch then was surprised when the man took her in his arms in bridal style, keeping her pressed to his strong chest and she involved her arms around his neck, watching the love he felt in his eyes as he carried her toward the car and Rowena caressed his cheek gently where the stubble started to appear, her heart beating faster with her emotions and they smiled.

**The end**


End file.
